This one is a bit lengthy and personal, heads up.

Triggers: sexual abuse, rape

I'm very happy with the Johnny Depp case outcome, and not because I like Johnny Depp. It's not even so much about the "women can be abusers too" (and they can!)

But it's great to see someone being held accountable for slander, libel, and defamation. 

Man that shit is rampant.

I have TWO different men in my family who have been falsely accused of sexually abusing a woman. One case, she was examined and it was determined she was still a virgin (She was claiming rape) Once they called her out, she laughed to the cops and admitted it was all a lie. She just didn't like him. She faced ZERO consequences. 🙄

The other case is 2 of my aunts who don't like 2 men in my family so they made up an imaginary story, complete with made up hashtags for social media, that they were sexually abused by these men as kids. One of them admitted it was a lie. (To another family member, "You'll let me take anything I want from this house or I'll lie and tell everyone the boys raped us when we were kids!) Once again, they're going around making shit up. Zero consequences. 🙄

People need to understand that just because you don't like someone, you cannot go around making shit up about them! You can be held accountable---- just like Mrs. Heard!

I think about the worst break-up I ever had. It was a guy I'd been seeing for many years. I was ridiculously in love. He cheated on me and then wasn't remotely fazed by the relationship ending. Our mutual friends stopped speaking to him after I had a heart attack and he wouldn't even shoot me a text to check on me. This set off something awful in me. I became a person who I never thought could exist. I said and did things I certainly regret. But the worst part of all of that, was once he realized he'd lost everyone, he started a campaign of slander against my name, telling everyone that I was abusive and toxic and all this make believe stuff that never happened anywhere except in his head. He and I were ridiculously happy, and didn't fight often, up until the moment I caught him cheating. 

Him lying about me hurt more than anything else. Because I didn't abuse him. I bent over backward for him, catered to his every need, and put him on a pedestal above anyone else. And I wasn't toxic.

I definitely wasn't perfect! Sometimes I was bossy. Sometimes I was angry. Sometimes I nagged him about wearing Hawaiian shirts. There is much I wish I'd done differently. I made many mistakes.

But I wasn't abusive. And for him, the man I'd loved and trusted all these years, to lie about me to others, after HE ended our relationship------- that was a deep cut.

Despite how shitty all that was, and how badly things ended, I'd never tell anyone he abused me. Because he didn't. I'd never tell anyone he sexually assaulted me. Because he didn't. 

I hope he never has to deal with a woman lying about him being abusive, because he wasn't. 

If a woman ever accused him of beating or raping them, I'd always step up to the plate to defend him, because no one deserves to be falsely accused. Period. He wasn't a violent or abusive guy.

You can dislike someone, or be angry with someone, without intentionally lying to a point that you destroy someone. 

(And it's been YEARS since I've seen him, so he could be married with 6 kids and running a chicken farm by now for all I know. I've been playing too much Stardew Valley. But I'm not holding the past against someone who I haven't seen in 5 years. I'm not who I was 5 years ago. He probably isn't either. )

The point of this story wasn't to drag up anyone's past but to encourage you to be mindful of what you say.

Every abuse victim deserves to be heard, so we should always take domestic abuse claims seriously, but no one deserves what Mr. Depp just went through. 

If it didn't happen, it didn't happen!

If you are a male being physically abused in a relationship, please leave that relationship. Don't be embarrassed. You deserve to live without fear!

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.